Cultivating Heart with Your Money
How would you describe your relationship with money?
For many women, it may be a painful truce, it may be antagonistic, it could even be a non-relationship. For many years my own relationship with money alternated between anger and denial. I wanted nothing to do with money, but then I was furious when there wasn’t enough, or my bank account went into a negative balance (because I was ignoring it).
I didn’t want to have a conscious relationship with money, but now I see that I was being invited to do so over and over again.
Cultivating a relationship with heart
A relationship is defined by the desire to see and understand one another, to respect and love each other, to be honest with one another, to work together for the common good of the relationship, and to lift each other up.
Money is so responsive to our energy and intentions – just like the people we are in relationship with. When I began to unwind my money legacy and choose a different way to relate to money, things began to shift in surprising ways. Not only internally, but externally as well.
I noticed that not only did I feel way more peaceful, but I was able to see with clarity how much abundance was present in each moment – whether there was lots of money or not. Surprisingly, more money found it’s way into my life and miraculously stayed around!!
Committing to a relationship with my money was life-altering for me, it’s life altering for my clients, and it can be life altering for you, too.
Get a little closer….
So how DO you develop (or heal) your relationship with money?
The same way you would with any relationship – you spend time, effort and energy on it, being curious, honest and extending your loving respect. Sound overwhelming? Here are three key tools and practices to help you begin to cultivate a heart-felt relationship with your money.
First, seek to understand. You cannot change what you cannot see. Do you know why do you feel the way you do about money? Why do you do what you do? I’ve discovered that the majority of our habitual patterns and beliefs around money are driven by what I call “legacy beliefs”. In other words, they are beliefs that we were gifted as young people and they’ve gone unquestioned and we act on them as if they are gospel-truth.
I am in no way implying that your parents were terrible – there is no blame here. You are an adult and the relationship you develop with money today and in the future is yours to cultivate. However, it is an absolute must to brings these beliefs to the surface of your consciousness and look with curiosity and deep love at whether they work or don’t work in helping you create what you want financially.
By looking at your money legacy, you will begin to understand the root cause of your relationship with money to date – this is like calling a cease-fire with your money and drawing up the peace-treaty.
Work with the past skillfully to create a positive future. When we see how our legacy and our beliefs have driven us to act in ways that just don’t work, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-flagellation. However, just as we now know that yelling, and beating children doesn’t change their behavior, the same applies to you and I, as adults.
So you are in debt. So you’ve not saved any money. So you’ve ignored your finances and everything is a bit of a mess. Okay, then. This is a tender moment of recognition and beating yourself will not change anything. Can you extend compassion to yourself? Can you take in the truth of what’s happened with you and money up to this point in time?
With clear eyes and an open heart, now is a moment to forgive. To forgive yourself, to forgive your past and to choose love. From this place, you can make excellent decisions that are best for you and for your bank account. Let this be an ongoing practice and it will transform your relationship with money.
Show up every day. I spend time with my money every day and I recommend you do so as well.
Each day, I look at my bank balances. I look at the money that’s come in and gone out – not in a graspy, gotta control it kind of way, but with curious and loving, “I want to spend time with you” energy. If I don’t like something that’s happened, I sit with my emotions around it, I forgive and I choose from a place of love what my next action will be. I do this for both my business finances and my personal finances.
You may feel like this is too much, but for such an important relationship, is it really? If you hold beliefs that it should be easier or you shouldn’t have to pay attention, I would invite you to consider if that has served you up to this point. If it hasn’t served you, I encourage you to find a way to relate to your money each day that will help you deepen the relationship.
Resource: Pear Budget – an easy-peasy online budget application for personal finances.
Commit to developing a heart-felt relationship with your money
I invite you to commit to a heart-felt relationship with your money. Invest time, effort and energy developing a meaningful connection. Be curious and lovingly honest. Just like any good relationship, when you put in the time and effort you will experience inner – and outer – shifts for the better as you cultivate heart with your money.
ABOUT OUR MONEY SPACE CONTRIBUTOR
I am Nona Jordan. If you feel queasy about the business and financial part of your venture, it’s time to heal your relationship with money and create the legacy you truly desire.
I’m the Business Yogini: a CPA, yoga teacher, energy worker, and entrepreneurial money coach. What that means is that I rock at helping coaches, healing practitioners, and creatives like you heal your relationship with money on all levels while you build and hone your business savvy to become financially empowered.
You are worth every penny, and a whole lot more.
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