What a New Outfit Will Do for a Marriage

August 8, 2012 by  
Filed under current, Relationship Space

Image by Esther Gibbons

It’s timely that the Calm Space is back up and whizzing to the front of everyone’s attention again! I’m looking forward to being seen on the “red carpet” at the relaunch. I can feel the warmth of the paparazzi’s flashbulbs already.

(What? You mean there’s only a red carpet in my dreams, and no flashbulbs! None at all?)

Funnily enough, Káren Wallace’s decision to re-energise the Calm Space has aligned beautifully with my own flurry of renewal. For me, there’s been a re-invigoration of the personal Chris Owen, and a renewal and revamping of my business, Pink Apple, as well.

Thanks to my gorgeous graphic designer, Alisha of AJD Creative, I now have a bright shiny new “look” which I’ll be launching this month. Yes, alright the more commercial word for it is “branding”, but to me it’s like I’ve bought a stunning new outfit that just screamed “me” from a shop window. (You know what I mean, ladies you’ve been there!) With great shoes to add further pizzazz, I feel a million dollars and can carry it all off with a flourish!  

(See why I wanted a red carpet to strut my glam?)

But to even recognise that fabulous outfit screaming at me from the window, I needed to revive the flagging “me” inside the business.

I needed to stand up and look outward as well as inward. I needed to find which bits of my business made my heart sing and get really clear about who needed the kind of help I had to offer. I’d lost my faith in myself, lost my confidence, and quite frankly, I seemed to be leaking my life-force down the drain!

So has that happened in your marriage?

Has it been leaking its life-force? Is it flagging a bit? Does it need a new look?

(No I’m not suggesting a 2-for-the-price-of-one appointment at the local cosmetic surgeon!)

Has your couple life become a bit ho-hum? Or, is it you that’s feeling the ho-humness?

Perhaps it just seems like you’ve become a bit stuck in a rut? Can’t hear any singing from your heart these days, or none that really deeply satisfies you? Have you lost faith in the possibility for joy in your marriage? Does it all seem to have a few shades of grey about it? (Aww go on, I had to go there! Everyone else is talking about it.)

So what have you done about this ho-humness?

Looking inwards certainly helps! But so do taking baby steps and opening your mouth!

It’s never too late to renew your relationship, or bring joy to your marriage.

You can renew with an extra-long hug or a lingering look and a smile of appreciation when you catch a glimpse your wife’s breast or your husband’s cute bum! Just doing something slightly different from the normal routine, will catch your partner’s attention. Turning that perfunctory “hello” kiss as you arrive home into a sexy lingering one will often do the trick.

(No that’s not what I was talking about when I said open your mouth! Eww! Too much information or dirty minds.)

What I did mean was simply to talk to your partner differently from how you do now. Put on a new “outfit” of communication. Maybe that means you’ll notice when he does something and express some real appreciation rather than the usual old complacent “thanks”! Maybe you will ask a question, and listen attentively, about something that’s not your interest but is a passion of your partner’s.  (And yes you will refrain from rolling your eyes, or ridiculing their interest.)

They’re not difficult things to do. But they are what you did back in the early days, when that euphoric romance was consuming your every moment.

If it gives your partner the gift of feeling special/noticed/cherished then it’s worth the effort.

It is worth the effort, isn’t it?

So what are you going to do to slip into that new “outfit”?

How are you going to make a simple change and start the journey of renewal?

About our Relationship Space Writer

Aussie-based Chris Owen, of Pink Apple, is a Marriage Mentor who helps couples refashion their ordinary marriages into Joy-Filled Marriages that Last a Lifetime.  While she waits for her new website to be ready, she can be found on Facebook sharing lots of useful, and sometimes amusing, resources for couples.



12 Responses to “What a New Outfit Will Do for a Marriage”
  1. Maree says:

    Thank you for your wise word and good advice Chris, it is so true that we need to take an interest in our partners interest without our eyes glazing over.

    Tomorrow my lovely husband and I are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary. In many ways it seems like it has been about 8 years. Our lives have changed as our son has finished school last year and is now doing an apprenticeship but we take more time for ourselves, we are having a week away later in August and tend to do more spontaneous things these days.
    Here’s to the next twenty years of being together.

  2. Chris Owen says:

    Hi Maree

    It is such an interesting time when our children’s reducing needs free up time to be together. We married young and had kids quickly and they hung around at home for sooooo long that it seemed an eternity before we had that chance. It adds a richness to the marriage that is quite unexpected really.

    Congratulations on 20 years. I’m doing the little dance of glee. It ALWAYS make me smile with pleasure when I hear of a wedding Anniversary. They are special!

    BTW when I wrote that comment about eye-glazing, I had a sudden thought “Maybe other people don’t have eye-glazing moments. Maybe no-one will relate!” Thank heavens it was relatable! ;-)

  3. Ahhh, Chris – flashbulbs and red carpet coming right up! It’s such a thrill to welcome you back to The Calm Space with your oh so sage wisdom about relationships, and your enthusiasm! xxx

  4. I ‘ditto’ Karen’s comment Chris! So good to see you back and I can definitely relate to the eye-glazing! lol

    Dee :)

    • Chris Owen says:

      Thanks Karen and Dierdre for the enthusiasm at my return!!

      Ahhhhh some day The Calm Space will have real red carpet, and won’t we all be excited!!

      And phew on another vote for the eye-rolling …or not!

      LOL ladies and waving from Melbourne

  5. Dee says:

    LOL Chris, we can have a race down that red carpet! (Hope I don’t trip over!)

  6. Anne Maybus says:

    Chris Owen you are amazing. Always amazing.

  7. Chris Owen says:

    *sighs* That was meant to be “join”!