My Journey to Trust

August 2, 2012 by  
Filed under current, Serenity Space, The Space

Image by hans van den berg

I am so over-the-moon excited to be back here at The Calm Space, recommitted, revitalised, renewed.

There’s a story that must be told about our hiatus. A story of high drama and epiphanies. A story about teaching what you most need to learn. And a story about trust. Yes, most of all, this is a story about trust.

Want to hear it? It’s a little on the long side…

Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.

– Benjamin Spock –

 

It all started with a dream

2004 was the year I began coaching, and discovered blogging. I had a big yellow notebook chock full of ideas for my fledgling business. One of the things in that notebook was the idea for a magazine. I had written in my notebook, in my best flowing script, Sanctuary.

Sanctuary became an offshoot of my (then) blog. It was published monthly, and to start with it was just me, with tech help from Leah. It was free. And rather sweet.

Eventually, I wanted to bring others in. I wanted to be able to put it up myself. Enter WordPress, enter new name.

The Calm Space commenced publication in October 2007. The people who write for us have ebbed and flowed over the years, and I’ve grown so much as a coach, as a writer, and as the editor of this luscious space.

From the beginning I envisaged a space far removed from the clamour of news-stand magazines, free from ‘reporting’, free from sensationalism, free from dirt. We didn’t go after celebrities. We grew our own. I love to encourage the incredible talent of women and share them with the world. Their realness. Their stories. Their strengths and wisdom. I love to watch the women who blossom as their words are set free into the world, whilst being held gently in this safe place.

Recently a client told me she was thrilled I was recommitting to the Calm Space. She told me how years ago, when her life was the polar opposite of calm, she felt a little confronted visiting here. But visit she did, and would always leave calmer and ready to face the storms once again.

Feedback like this is why I do what I do. When you visit here, you truly know you are not alone. We are human. We are real. We do away with the gloss and provide hope.

Along the way I had to grow myself. I had to learn to stand in the spotlight, and I found that difficult. I needed to turn this from a hobby into a business, but something held me back. I was afraid. There were money discussions I needed to have with myself. And there was the need to go from ‘nice’ to ‘life changing’. {Not easy for a nice girl from the seen and not heard school ;}

I hit crisis point. The Calm Space had to start paying its own way. I started to doubt my own wisdom, and question where we were going. I lost confidence. I longed for a clear path.

I sought advice, answers, solutions! I felt foggy, and desperate for clarity. When asked what I most wanted, I invariably replied: ‘I want clarity!!!‘ I did course after course. It was expensive. And each time I’d think – this is it! This is the thing that’s going to make the difference. Now, it will all become clear.

I became a seeker.

I started working with a business coach. Their advice: Get rid of The Calm Space, move on.

If there’s one thing I am, it is persistent. I stick at things. It took me 7 years to get my degree by going to university at night after work, but I stuck it out. I worked for the same employer for 20 years. I wasn’t about to give up on The Calm Space after 4+ years without a fight.

I spoke to someone about coming on as a partner. It didn’t work out.

I had tentative conversations with another about taking it over.

And then I realised I needed to get a bird’s eye view. I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. While I was no longer listening to the source of that advice, it had wormed its way into my heart and I needed to be free of it in order to know what to do.  I also felt by that stage that I wasn’t being fair to either the contributors or those who read The Calm Space. I felt like I was only half-there. And I am not a half-hearted person by nature. I put the Calm Space into hiatus for 6 months and gave us all some breathing space.

Two things happened

1. I ran The Voice Project, leading a small group of (gorgeous) women through the experience of tapping into their own intuitive wise voice and learning to trust themselves once more, and discovered – again – that it is true that we teach what we most need to learn.

2. In one of those moments of serendipity, I had coffee with a woman I’d met back when I first started looking for clarity. One of the things she said over hummingbird cake and lattes wormed its way into my heart, to come out a fully formed realisation a few days later.

She said “One of the things I remember most about you back then was your clarity about The Calm Space.

Realisation. I had clarity! It was there all along. I’d let myself get turned completely about. I’d given away my power. Gone searching for clarity everywhere but where it resides – right here, in my heart. I let others feed on my need, and didn’t trust the one person I needed to trust.

Me

As I realised this, it was as if the flood gates opened in my heart and in my mind. Ideas, concepts, plans, and dreams – long shelved – came bursting forth. I filled page after page. Talked the ear off a couple of dear friends in my brains trust (thanks my loves, you know who you are xx).

And I knew, this is where I am meant to be.

Here at The Calm Space.

Trusting in myself above all else.

Heeding my own intuitive wise voice.

Hearing it loud and clear.

When I’m trusting and being myself… everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously.

-Shakti Gawain-

So we’re back. And I am so full of gratitude for the support, encouragement, and serendipity that has come my way since I truly listened to my self. Thank you!


I am Káren Wallace. I believe that life is meant to be lived, lusciously! When not wrangling the neighbours cows out of our veggie patch, you can find me crafting big {giant} dreams here at The Calm Space, encouraging women around the world to lift up their voices in harmony, and working with women who are ready to have the juiciest experience of themselves they’ve always envisioned at Your Luscious Life. I’d love to connect with you: on Twitter @karenwallace, and on Facebook!

Comments

22 Responses to “My Journey to Trust”
  1. And I am so glad you’re back!

  2. So glad to see you back :)

    It is so easy to get turned around by others and by our own lack of trust in ourselves.

    I’ve been searching for my own clarity for the last few months and find that I need to be selective who I listen to…

    Now, to think of something to write for you ;)

  3. Jennifer says:

    Dealing with thoughts of doubt and hiding at the moment so reading your post about The Calm Space coming back…it was like a rush of cold water over me. I know what I want and give away my power thinking I have be “taught” or “figure out” one more thing…but I don’t. I am clear and powerful where I am right now.

    I am so grateful to you for this space and for being open with how it all comes about for you.

    • Oh Jennifer! Yes, “clear and powerful where I am right now”. Oh so doing a happy dance for this for you!

      What I have found is that there is so much emphasis on knowing ‘the secret’ and we think we aren’t complete or cannot be happy or successful until we know it. And yet, there is no ‘secret’ – all we need is right here within us. Sometimes all we need is a gentle reminder. Here’s to powerful you! xxx

  4. Rebecca says:

    So glad to see you’re back and sharing your wisdom with us again!

    Being able to step back when you’re in a moment of crisis is incredibly difficult but it’s so vital to be able to clear some space and work through your challenges. It is, however, difficult to hear your own inner voice when there is a lot of well-meaning advice (or sometimes a barrow being pushed) that conflicts with what your inner voice is telling you.

    I recently read Brene Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfection” and Susan Cain’s “Quiet” and realised that for my own inner voice to thrive and be heard, I need regular calm and solitude. For years I listened to what other people felt was ‘best for me’. But illness taught me that I know myself best and have to trust that I know how to find what I need by investing regularly in my own calm and quiet space.

    So thank you for bringing back the Calm Space. I’ve missed your pearls of wisdom and that of your guest writers.

    • Thank you Rebecca, I am thrilled to have you back here with us! I have both those books on my bookshelf waiting for a little time to delve into them – glad to hear they helped your own realisations.

      I think sometimes we need to lose our way in order to see more clearly what it is we already know (painful as it can be).

      I hope you’re doing well. xxx

  5. Welcome back Karen. You’re an inspiration to me. God bless.

  6. Lisa Gillispie says:

    Yay!!! Yay for clarity, yay for you, yay for The Calm Space!! xoxo

  7. Miki DeVivo says:

    So very happy for you and for all you’ve created. Can’t wait to see it all unfold!

  8. Anne Maybus says:

    This is one of my favourite sites of all time. I have missed it and I am so pleased to see you back. I think it’s the essence of you that makes this such a clear and true place to be. Welcome home.

  9. Woohoo!!! So glad to see you back! I’ve missed you and missed sharing in your journey.

    A very gorgeous soul once sent me a bookmark that simply says “Your strongest, wisest self is waiting for you with wide open arms”. I look at it every day and realise that we all have everything we need within us, right now, and in every moment. I am so thrilled that you are again standing in your own power, awesomeness and beauty – you’re amazing!

    Dee x
    PS: you sent the bookmark, just in case you’d forgotten :)

    • Thank you Dee love! I remembered :) It means a lot to me to see you here – I miss you, and your infectious enthusiasm. And thanks for the reminder, funny how those things boomerang back right when we need them. xxx