Better Relationships – A Treasure Trove of Possibility

January 25, 2010 by  
Filed under Relationship Space

Couple sillouetted at sundownIt’s everywhere!

Here at Calm Space. In many similarly inspiring places across the net. Your local bookshop has a big section. Even your daily paper sometimes goes there.

We’re all hunting for healing for our “21st century angst”.

The search is on for satisfaction for the soul, motivation for the days ahead, increased self-awareness, acceptance and belonging, shared values, and peace and harmony.

In my humble opinion, there’s a lot of needless searching going on. Or perhaps I should say some of that searching is needless.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m not suggesting self-development is useless, stupid or even unnecessary. In fact I’m a strong devotee of those searches. And they’re searches I encourage others to begin.

But I do claim a rider to my searching.

You see I believe that it’s within our relationship that we can find much of the support we need to explore, consider, and take action on our endless search to relieve our angst!

In a true and committed relationship lies the sacred space of possibility, a crucible of self-development. And the possibilities are different for both of us. But there’s room in the sacred space for all that possibility. Maybe the focus will swap from one to the other, and back again, over our lives together. Sometimes both our possibilities will be cooking in that crucible, and boy will be busy!

In a loving relationship, I want the very best for my partner. And I want a partner who wants the very best for me.

I want him to create dreams, find paths, and achieve successes, which only he can recognise as success. And I want to share that path with him. I want to be along for the crazy ride. I know that even when I’m scared for him, I also have to allow him the space to make the discoveries that mistakes provide. I want the best for him.

And in giving him that gift, he delights in giving me the same.

I don’t want to be dragged along as an unwilling passenger and be treated/act like unconsidered baggage.

I want to be a partner in all senses of the word.

Sharing the dreams, and believing in them because I can see the possibility, that a partner’s self-doubt can sometimes question. I want to nurture the dreams with dreams of my own, or by providing the wall off which all the best ideas bounce!

I need to be a partner on the path too. I realise that sometimes I’ll be walking on the rocky, unmade part, beside his path. Or maybe I’ll be practically running behind him, trying to keep up with him. Or maybe there’ll be times when I’m the shoulder on which he leans so heavily I fear we’ll both fall over. But I’m there because the path is made intriguing enough to keep me there, purely because it’s his path. And vice versa.

And when a destination is reached and an achievement met, I want to hold him in my arms and will him to find more courage, and more energy, and more satisfaction, and more motivation, and more self-awareness and understanding. I want to see his chest swell with acceptance and belonging as much as with pride at our achievement. And I want to lie entwined with him at night, safe and filled with well-earned peace and silent harmony from our labours.

And when it’s my dream we’ve been chasing, my path on which I’ve struggled and felt his arms surround me, my vision of success that comes to pass, I know that again it’s our sacred space that has brought me the victory.

But hey! Not all days in my relationship are like that. Most of the days just feel plain bloody ordinary. Meals, work, family, exercise, time-out, business, calm, blunders, tears of joy and sorrow.

So I go searching outwards like everyone else. To The Calm Space, on the net, in my books, in conversation. Searching for answers to my angst.

But the joy is in bringing that knowledge, or even its possibility, back into the treasure trove and sacred space of us (SweetP and me).

When I sat down to write this article I had no idea it would end as a treatise on relationships.

But filled as I am at the moment with the New Year’s possibilities and a sense of growing belief that something big is coming, I think I’ve just staked out my space in the world of relationship experts. I’ve just declared my ideals, my raison d’etre, my reason for being!

This is what I stand for!

I think you Calm Space readers have just shared a special moment with me as we build our relationship. Thank you for empowering me. Thank you for sharing this sacred space with me.

I’m off to share a happy dance with Sweet P!


10 Responses to “Better Relationships – A Treasure Trove of Possibility”
  1. Pete Aldin says:

    Chris, I never saw it as clearly as you’ve spelled it out here. How dumb are we that go looking for it outside our dearest friend and partner? How dumb that we don’t maintain the relationship so that it IS all you’ve described here.

    Thanks for writing this so eloquently and movingly. Got me.

  2. Thanks Pete
    I’m not sure I’ve ever followed my thoughts along this path to fruition either. It is SO obvious and somehow or other I just put fingers to keyboard and it all kinda poured out!

  3. Dee says:

    Simply beautiful as always Chris, thank you!
    Your sharing is so gorgeous that I am actually inspired to go and find myself a fella!!

  4. Dee you make it sound like normally you’d think that having a fella was a ghastly thing!! LOL
    But I am pleased to hear that my passion was infectious.

  5. Chris,
    I love what Pete says “Got Me”! I think you’ve got a lot of us – me included!

    Yesterday was our wedding anniversary and I am so grateful every day for 24 years of living and loving with my best friend.

    There is so much in your post, I’m going to have to come back and read it again and again. For now, I would like to say “Watch Out World – here comes Chris!”

    In this manifesto on your reason for being I see a startling, amazing sense of clarity and passion. We’ve always known you are a terrific relationship coach, but now I sense even more… that the rosy glow that comes from loving and being loved by a supportive in-sync spouse can infuse us with a sense that all is right in our world.

    Here’s to you inspiring the world with the rosy glow that is spreading from your heart! (That glow is pink, isn’t it? ; )

  6. Dee says:

    LOL not ‘ghastly’ Chris, but has at times certainly been a challenge, or rather not what I had hoped – but, life is constantly changing and being water orientated (and Scorp :)) I’m used to changes or can use them as justifications to suit me quite well LOL.

    Karen, your elegant way of describing the beauty in relationship only reinforces the ‘ah ha’ moment/s in Chris’ words – thank you both! (maybe we should talk Chris?!?? lol)
    I am reminded at this moment that:- ‘when the student is ready, the teacher appears’ ;) x

  7. Anne Maybus says:

    Dee, you are spot on. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. The teacher is well and truly showing herself clearly in this piece, isn’t she? Congratulations on a wonderful and thought-provoking article, Chris.

  8. Hi Anne and Dee
    My own personal mentor has always said to me that we teach what we need to learn. I have often noticed that clients wander into my world with issues that in helping them I am finally finishing the learning I need to make for myself.

    I have no idea what lies ahead but I’m feeling so positive that my clarity and enthusiasm will convert to positive impacts on others!

    Gosh Dee If we ever got talking I reckon a few hours would flit by without us realising …