An Uneasy Peace
September 8, 2010 by Carla Cummins Thomas
Filed under A-ha! Space, Guest Space
We’re thrilled to welcome back Carla Cummins Thomas as our guest writer this week. More about Carla below.
This morning as I sit at my computer, there is no noise. The air outside and the wind that breezes in through the windows carry with them only the occasional sound of a dog’s half-bark and the lazy chirp of a nearby bird. It’s quiet enough that I can hear the lemon fall from the tree outside and hit the ground and the footsteps of the cat in the grass chasing a wayward mouse. And while I itch to place one of my soft jazz albums on the stereo and wake up to it with my caramel coffee, this occasion has been so rare that I am loathe to do so.
For months, my morning sounds have been the endless throbbing of the cicadas, the ceaseless sawing of a nearby neighbor’s shutter-work, and the beep-beep-beep of dump trucks backing up into a nearby building site. Mornings have been loud. Mornings haven’t been peaceful.
All around the world, people have different definitions for peace and what it is: the absence of war, conflict or strife is probably the most common. The act of being in harmony with oneself and one’s environs perhaps less so. And then there is the idea of stillness.
I think this last is true most often. It seems no matter what one’s definition of peace is, somewhere in its deep, mysterious heart lies a diamond of stillness. And that’s what we’re all digging for.
I can tell you that as much as I would like to say I have mined this diamond, I have not. Occasionally I get close to it, see a glimpse of it shine through the rubble I’m digging through. This morning is one of those times. But just as easily, it’s coated over again by debris, and I begin digging once more. Hopefully, I won’t be mining for too much longer.
I have realized in the last days that Peace (for me) will be the final end to this war of me against myself. It has been a war I’ve been fighting for twenty years or more, my soul and spirit split off into factions that all want control of my actions and my movements. I have often thought that their differences have been reconciled … only to discover that what had occurred was merely an uneasy truce while one “winning” side held sway for a while. This is no way to live. So we are now at the point of hammering out a settlement. Or trying to. I am hopeful that this will occur soon.
In the meantime, it occurs to me that in any war, the moment of peace and/or surrender never comes amidst the blaze of fire and sword, the boom of cannon and rifle-shot. No. Silence is necessary then, too, so that both sides can be heard and decisions can be reached.
So, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll silence this house of mine and wait for the stillness to come. It’s already begun outside. Now it’s time to begin it within.
What about you?
Do you have any wars you’re fighting?
Have you been able to know peace?
What does peace mean to you?
Photo Source: Wisdom – Diamond Light by H. Koppdelaney
ABOUT OUR GUEST AUTHOR
Carla Cummins Thomas is “Chania Girl” at her own little blogling, Living Happiness, a personal blog about her daily life. She has taken the summer off, though, to enjoy some time by the sea and in the company of friends and loved ones.
When she is not involved in these pursuits, she is also an EFL teacher in Crete and an online grammar and writing instructor for the University of Maryland’s University College program.
You can follow Carla and Living Happiness on Facebook and on Twitter.
Oh we are soul-sisters, dear Carla! I have been feeling similarly lately (as the cocktail party of voices in my head have started to party less and argue more). In hopes of finding peace (stillness, transcendence), I have been listening to Pema Chodron’s amazing audio collections (particularly the third part…From Fear to Fearlessness).
She talks about how meditation students come to her shocked that the form of meditation that she teaches does not have transcending the chatter as the goal. No, she (and her teachers) desire for us to hang out with the chatting (dueling, screaming, warring) voices, to drop into the trenches and be with them, to accept that they may chatter (and duel and scream and war) ever on, to find that part of ourselves who can sit with them (even as they slaughter) and feel loving kindness toward them.
And I thought, “I am with the shocked meditation students. Seriously? The fighting parts might never stop? You have GOT to be kidding me.” So, I am trying to see if I can forgive myself for being at war, to forgive myself for possibly forever being at war and learn to love myself anyway (and hoping that by loving myself a whole bunch, the warring factions start to spar using water pistols instead of nuclear weapons).
Your beautiful words reminded me that I will only find that place of loving kindness by opening myself to the moment (the still moment, the loud moment, the playful moment, the angry moment). Thank you for the picture that you painted of the world falling silent at your feet; I felt the world stand still here in California as well as I read.
Oh, and….YAY, you are back sharing the written word with us! Double YAY!!
Carla,
So, so wonderful to see your words again!
Peace and silence….I have recently (a couple of months ago) began meditating. At first this was very hard – to even quiet “me” for a few minutes. My mind…always wanting to create chatter. What has been so interesting, though – is that as I have continued to do this, I’ve found myself having a much easier time at getting to that place of inner silence. There are still days when it’s a struggle – although they have become fewer. And having those early morning moments of silence, it truly is a peace filled feeling.
So, thank you for writing this…it reminds me, at an even deeper level, the peace that these moments bring to me.
Carla…much peace to you, and may the moments of silence in your life be one that bring deep meaning to you…
Hi Carla,
So great to hear from you again. Peace – so important to our daily lives. We take it for granted – whether it’s peace of mind, or the absence of war. To hear the birds in the morning and not be bombarded with noise pollution is so precious. What a joy. Thank you for reminding us.
Carla –
This is a post I can relate to. I have come to the point where I am not sure if the voices are necessary or if they have become a habit – like the only soundtrack my mind has to play so it keeps it on continual loop. I have found myself saying “just stop it.” And moving on with the day. I want to find that peace – that silence that will allow me to hear… nothing if there is nothing to hear or hear my inner voice. Those moments of peace are delightful and treasures when they find me or I experience them…
Wonderful to read your words again.
Welcome back!! What an article to do it with too. Such a treat to have your view on this topic and your honest voice sharing with us all again. Lately when I get that anxious feeling or that sense something is off I tell myself to hush. I just gently say it out loud and take a breath. I think that trick has brought me many more moments of peace than I would have had otherwise. The ego is LOUD! *lol*
@Ruthie Yarme: Thank you so much Ruthie for coming over here and visiting me today. Your visits always bring a smile to my face, and I delight in the fact that we are often on the same (or similar) page in our lives at the moment. Your words reminded me of the need for us to practice loving kindness to ourselves: I forget this sometimes in my quest to practice it with those around me, and then I get short shrift. I hope you are able to experience more of those in-the-moment moments that carry peace and love in them. I will try to do the same.
@Lance: Lance! Hello, dear friend. I’m glad you came and found me here today. Well done you on beginning the practice of meditating and already seeing its effects in your life. It would be a good idea for me to begin the same. I think it would make a world of difference if I meditated regularly, “regularly” being the key word. Hope all is well with you and yours. So good to “see” you today.
@Angela: You’re welcome, Angela. I really do believe silence is golden, a true treasure. I wish more of this treasure for you in your life.
@The Exception: Thank you so much for your inquisitive email last week and for popping by to “see” me today. It encourages me to be supported in this way, and I have missed it this summer. I like your analogy of the mental soundtrack that’s on continuous play: isn’t it the truth? Perhaps it’s time to play some new tunes, scout for some new music. I wonder, “Do you think the Universe has any record exchanges?” *wink*
@Clearly Composed: Hi, CC. It’s nice to be back. Thank you for coming by and for sharing your own reflections on calming and silencing. What is it about the ego that makes it want to say everything at full volume?
“Silence is necessary then, too, so that both sides can be heard and decisions can be reached.” Beautiful sentiments, Carla. It’s interesting where the mind goes when a person is reading posts. I found myself thinking that we are in between these two sides… like a child is between two parents who are trying to come into balance. Peace for me is the silence. I absolutely melt into those moments at night just before drifting to sleep, or while sitting on my sofa reading a book.
There are times I so ache for silence, I drive into the country and hike deep into the woods until there is nothing to hear but the sound of the wind and a few birds on wing. It is there I find peace.
Silence and Stillness are just vital keys to peace within and without
Lovely sharing words – Thank you
@Davina: Davina, I forgot just how much I’d missed your gentle, sweet spirit until I read your words this morning — it is SO good to see you again. Thank you for visiting me here. :)
Silence and peace are so inextricably linked aren’t they? I melt into the silence of the early morning hours with my cup of coffee. It is my very favorite time of day.
@Bo: Your words were so descriptive, Bo, I could see you in my mind making that country drive and then hiking into the green silence of the trees. You are fortunate to have a sanctuary like this you can go to. I know that there is a lot to be said for trying to make our homes — ourselves — our sanctuary. But there’s also something to be said for those places we can retreat to when silence is the truest thing we need. Thank you for visiting me today and leaving your lovely comment.
@Patricia: Thank you, too, Patricia, for stopping by.
Hi Carla,
I’m so glad to ‘see’ you..such a beauty filled smile..
I stepped out of a life of chaos to embrace peace..it is what I stand for and what I share with everyone..I believe that peace is the foundation of everything, for if I am less than peace filled I am only feeling less than love, joy, creativity..etc..So I choose peace.
For me, peace is not necessarily stillness..although stillness is pure..peace is the absence of chaos. I am peace filled regardless of external, even with background noise– sometimes the background noise is comforting and peaceful to me..
Carla, you may have a moment of peace in the battlefield. It is when these precious moments are strung together that the battle is over..we win the battle one moment at a time..so celebrate those moments as you have been–I celebrate with you:)
Peace (for me) will be the final end to this war of me against myself. It has been a war I’ve been fighting for twenty years or more, my soul and spirit split off into factions that all want control of my actions and my movements. I have often thought that their differences have been reconciled … only to discover that what had occurred was merely an uneasy truce while one “winning” side held sway for a while. This is no way to live.
Hmm! You been looking into my soul??? That about sums it up!!
Hi Carla,
Welcome back! So wonderful to read this post. You have an incredible talent for writing – one that takes me on a journey where I can actually hear “the lemon fall from the tree outside and hit the ground” and I can taste the caramel coffee.
Your words of exploring peace literally brought me inner peace in hurried pre-occupied moment. Thank you!
There are times when I have stillness a different times during the day, but not yet have I been able to have inner peace and stillness throughout the day. Those moments of inner stillness are truly divine.
Carla — What a beautifully written post. Not only do I love this subject, but the way you write about seems to to manifest a feeling of peace in me at this moment:~)
I love the idea of finding peace in our lives…especially in mine. I agree that I get glimpses of it, but it is still shy and the loud noises of my ego still talk over it too often. Like you, this is something I must continue to work on.
I do so love the days, however, when I get to feel the peace in my life. It’s like curling up in a warm comforter and snuggling to doze, yet still aware of what’s going on. Just content to let it go while I stay quiet. *sigh*
Thanks for this gentle reminder:~)