The supreme act of generosity: Listen!
February 1, 2010 by Káren Wallace
Filed under Serenity Space
As I prepared to write Serenity Space for February, I had no idea what I was going to write. Possibly something about the importance of loving me, first.
But the words would not come. I was well and truly stumped, blocked and out of words.
I asked for divine guidance. I made a fresh cup of earl grey tea. I walked away from the keyboard and sat on my big, comforting leather couch with Il Divo playing softly in the background.
I realised, tea finished, that I had a headache and it had been there all morning, unacknowledged. It was time to tune in to my body. Time to get out of my head, again.
I was looking for the answers, for the words, in all the wrong places.
After a refreshing nap and another cup of tea, my head is clear and the words are flowing. I’ve listened to what my body needed me to hear. I cherished myself.
And that, of course, is the message.
To love means to listen. Listening is a very important practice. There is a voice calling to us, and it wants us to listen. It may be that our body is calling us and wants us to listen to our body. It may be our feelings that are calling us and want us to listen to them. It may be our perceptions are calling us and want us to listen. It is very important for us to pay attention to the voice. The capacity of listening to ourselves is the foundation of the capacity of listening to others. The capacity to love others depends on the capacity of loving ourselves.
~Thich Nhat Hanh
In this busy life we all lead our days are filled with tasks and schedules, appointments and meetings, to-do items and chores. And we’ve become immune to the voices begging us to listen.
We can lose our self in our battle to pay the bills, put food on the table and ensure everyone has clean clothes for tomorrow. We’re so busy doing we forget to be.
When was the last time you took a moment to stop and sit and listen to the voice calling to you?
It can be very scary, listening to your body, your feelings, your perceptions.
You may hear frightening things about your life, your relationships, your health or your work. Things you’d really rather not face. And of course, if you listen and actually hear, you’ll know. You’ll have to act.
But the thing is, if you don’t take time to listen now, those voices will get louder. And louder. And start becoming very insistent. In very disruptive ways. Like illness, injury, catastrophe. The universe has its ways…
So today, I’m encouraging you as well as reminding myself.
Listen.
- Get up from your desk and take your cup of tea outside for the time it takes to drink. Be quiet and still. Listen.
- Turn off the radio when you’re in the car alone and drive in silence. Listen.
- Find some time for solitude. Don’t fill it with a book or newspaper or surfing. Be present with yourself. Listen.
- Run a bath, lock the door and soak. Tune in to your body. Listen.
- Take up yoga or tai chi or some other mindful physical practice. Listen.
- Take your pen and notebook somewhere quiet and write “Dear Voice, what is it I need to hear?” The voice will answer back. Listen.
And remember, “the capacity to love others depends on the capacity of loving ourselves.” We can only love ourselves when we know ourselves. We can only love ourselves when we’re being fully honest and open and listening.
Loving yourself is the supreme act of generosity.
Are you up to it?
I did a course recently called Women’s Intuition in Business, which was all about getting back into touch with your inner self. It was a great learning experience for all the reasons that you describe here. It is funny but your inner self won’t tell you anything that you are unable to cope with. When you take away that fear the experience is very liberating. I learnt a lot about myself just by sitting quietly and listening to what was going on inside me. It is quite empowering, too. Once you become used to listening to yourself you make better decisions and feel much happier with life.
Do what Karen suggests. It will make a huge difference to your life.
Good advice that was perfect for me to be reminded of. Thank you.
I liked this, we’d never do it if we didn’t get this kind of reminder.
Anne – Thank you for adding to the conversation here! I love that – “your inner self won’t tell you anything that you are unable to cope with.” Yes! Here’s to feeling much happier with life.
Rebecca and Claudia – thank you both so much for chiming in, and welcome to Calm Space! I need reminders often, and this sort of thing is so easy to forget in the hubbub and chaos that are our lives. Let me know how you go?
A timely reminder and so delightful to read. My business is all about listening to others and I know I don’t listen to me as much as I need to. Thank you,Káren. I’m off to make that cup of tea now – and I may well squeeze in a lingering, listening bath later, too!
A good reminder.There’s one phrase that still resonates in me, “The capacity of listening to ourselves is the foundation of the capacity of listening to others”something we sometimes forget.Listening with one’s true self,without judging,empathetically, is esential.Thanks for sharing your thoughts and making us think
A great reminder. I try to remember that we are all human beings, not human doings. It’s so easy to let the ‘do’ get in the way of the ‘be’.
Loving yourself first always seemed to be so selfish to me…but more and more, I’m understanding that you can’t cherish others if you don’t cherish yourself, you can’t do for others if you haven’t done that same self-care thing for you…The analogy of being told before take-off that if the oxygen apparatus comes down, you hook yourself up first before you place it on your child, helps me understand the process of loving yourself as generosity…if you have no oxygen (love) to breathe, how are you going to save (love) your child (loved one)? You can’t give what you don’t already have…
Jan – I do hope you squeezed in that bath. There really is nothing more soothing and soul-connecting that a nice long soak, is there? It’s funny that those of us who are so good at listening to others often forget to listen to our selves. Thank you!
Patricia – ahh, ‘making us think’ – there could be no higher praise. Thank you.
Bo – we all lead such busy lives that it really is so easy to do, do, do and totally forget to be. I know I need reminding constantly too… thank you for your comment.
Another Anne – I laughed at you calling yourself ‘another Anne’! All the Anne’s I know are such special people, it’s a joy to welcome you here too. You’ve really hit the nail on the head. I was hesitant to use the analogy of the oxygen mask but so glad you’ve mentioned it. It really is true. You cannot give what you don’t already have. And so, it’s not selfish at all, but supremely generous to love and cherish yourself first. I so appreciate your visit and your words of wisdom, thank you.
Stay tuned, I’ve an exciting announcement to make on Monday 8th Feb about a special interactive challenge on this very subject!