Shaking Off the Shoulds
January 25, 2010 by Janice Hunter
Filed under Kitchen Table Space
The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes — ah, that is where the art resides.
~ Artur Schnabel
I opened the kitchen curtains this morning to an eerie brightness and snow falling silently outside.
My kids’ delight in the snow is not contagious. After I packed them off to school, wrapped up, laughing and excited, I sat down at the kitchen table, hugging a steaming mug of coffee as I remembered my own childhood winters, trudging through blizzards to school, with frozen, aching fingers and toes, breathing in damp wool from the scarf I’d been mummified in.
So, no ski slopes, toboggans and brightly coloured bobble hats for me, I’m afraid. Snow’s for Christmas, when the tree tops glisten, Bing and Dean croon, fairy lights twinkle outside on snowy conifers and I snuggle up in front of the fire with a feel good film and something yummy. Today I’m having a snow day. No ice-dancing with other cars on roads like ice rinks; I’m staying in and going nowhere.
It’s all too easy to let the shoulds gently freeze out the To Be list, the fun and the wants, till you can’t even remember what they were – but today I’m giving myself a day off.
A day off from self imposed routines and unquestioned obligations; a day off from marketing emails designed to make me feel anxious and lacking. A day where no-one cares whether I have a niche or not.
But having a snow day doesn’t mean that nothing gets done. It’s often in moments of silence, idleness or mundane activity that inspiration and creativity take us by surprise.
I’ve whizzed through the cleaning and clutter, choosing to tackle the windows to let in more of the bright snow light. I’ve ignored the ironing but cleared out an entire kitchen cupboard instead, just for that glorious feeling you get as you bag up objects you neither love nor need. I’ve listened to an inspiring audio clip from Byron Katie’s book, ‘A Thousand Names for Joy’ and I’ve done some chatty email coaching, slurping hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles, glad I’ve not got a webcam. And the avalanche of marketing emails in my inbox? To unsubscribe, click here Click…. Click….Click….
While I’ve been sitting here writing, it’s stopped snowing and some of the snow has thawed. I’ve just watched a laurel branch bounce back from under its burden of snow, launching it like a catapult.
That’s how I feel as I shake off the shoulds, the rest of my snow day beckoning me like our snow covered front garden, silently waiting to share its treasure when the kids come home.
I might be tempted to build a snow wolf or make some snow angels with them. Or most likely, I’ll put on the kettle and watch them through the living room window, daydreaming of a new year stretching before me like an empty beach full of promise, a cinema’s COMING SOON trailers, a tempting pile of unread books, hyacinths hidden in a bowl, a brand new journal to cuddle up with and bustling pavement cafes full of people to meet and delicious treats to tempt the senses.
A year of choices, not shoulds.
Janice
About the Author:
Janice Hunter is a certified homelife coach and writer. She provides soul food and support for coaches, writers, parents and homebased workers over at www.sharingthejourney.co.uk
While I’ve been sitting here writing, it’s stopped snowing and some of the snow has thawed. I’ve just watched a laurel branch bounce back from under its burden of snow, launching it like a catapult.
That’s how I feel as I shake off the shoulds,
Love it Thanks Janice a great visual to exploring the possibility of shaing off shoulds
The snow does change things for us, doesn’t it? I like that – a year of choices not shoulds.
Hi Janice .. so good to see you here. Lovely description of a snowy day or two, or three .. it must have been much worse with you, than down here on the south coast.
The calmness and silence that reigns when snow comes down is so wonderful & it isn’t noisy here anyway – but that extra quietness just leads one into ones own thoughts and clearing the cobwebs.
Better get back to my dose of cleaning – then I start 2010 properly …
Good to hear from you – keep well, keep cheerful and enjoy time off -
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Hi Janice – isn’t it extraordinary how we are so affected by the utter difference we experience in the snow.
I look back now on those few weeks and realise that I hibernated. Partly because of Christmas, which makes life very different anyway, also through a mild illness which hung around almost until the snow left. But mostly because of the snow itself. I love to watch it (I’m not a snow ball girl, I’m no snow angel either), to walk in it (properly wrapped up and with special chains on my boots) and to photograph it. It muffles out the hubub of ‘normal’ and for that I was grateful.
I too tackled new tasks, and spent time warming myself on mugs of chocolate and, funnily enough, unsubscribing from a myriad of newsletters that I’d been deleting anyway for months.
I suppose I effectively gave emyself several weeks off (no small children any more, which makes a big difference) – and now I’m back to full energy and so glad I allowed the time and ignored the ’shoulds’.
Thank you so much for this thought-provoking piece, Janice.
@Chris,Joanna, Hilary and Jan,
I apologose for not responding as promptly as I used to or would like to, but I’ve been resisiting the urge to dive back into all things blogging.I’m trying to get the balance back and not become quite as OCD about it as I was. I’ve been healing and resting, spiritualy and physically, and I feel like spring’s around the corner. I’m my own worst enemy, and have a tendency to overdo things, especially when I feel a responsibility towards people. Karen’s been wonderfully understanding. I haven’t wanted to stop writing and blogging; I just desperately needed a break.
@Chris,
Funny you should mention that line; it’s one of my favourite images from that piece. I was sitting writing in the kitchen, glanced up and saw it happening. Because of that, it’s always had a ‘freshly minted’ feeling for me, every time I re-read it.
@Joanne,
We all know the wisdom of not shoulding all over ourselves, especially those of us who’ve spent years coaching others, but it’s so easy to have a theory/practice disconnect when it comes to ourselves, isn’t it?! I’ve had to make a huge effort these last few weeks to examine every impulse that feels like it’s come from a ’should’. I’m trying to have a year of ‘really wants’ this time round.
@Hilary,
Thanks for visiting here as well as my own site. The weather this year has contributed to me feeling snowed in spiritually as well as physically. That piece made an interesting contrast between my high spirits a few years ago and the more tired me of the last six months. Cleaning’s been a great tonic for me, except for the hard decisions about what to get rid of. But even then, I’ve pushed through with those.
@Jan,
I’m so glad you enjoyed the piece. Although I wrote it a couple of years ago, it’s how I usually am around January – inspired, ready to clean up my act, to revisit my values and look forward to things in an inspiring way, not a wishing away of the present kind of deal. What you said about kids made me think; I do think I took those 4 weeks of being snowed in even worse because I felt so much for the kids, having to cancel so many planned events and visits. The oldest isn’t into snowball fights, snowman/snow-wolf making and sledging like she used to be, and she took it the worst when trips to or with friends had to be cancelled.