Uninvited Advice

Has anyone ever given you advice on something big and life altering?

Maybe I did in last month’s Relationship Space!  Challenging you about something big and life-altering like your attitude to sex!  That might have left you thinking  “It’s my life, Pink Apple, leave me alone!”

Has anyone (else) ever given you the benefit of their wisdom and then finished with the line “… but, it’s your life!”  (you can practically hear the unspoken follow up words “…but I wouldn’t be doing that!”)

I remember …

… way back in the shadows of time, before SweetP and I married, my sister said those words to me.

My bubble was burst after I shared how excited I was at my plan to marry, and expected her to share in my happiness.  She, on the other hand, was appalled at my intention to get married “so young”.

Her words had a kind of threat to them.  She might as well have said “Mark my words, you’re making a terrible mistake.”  That’s certainly what her tone was saying.

I can’t resist the temptation to be a leeetle bit smug here!

It’s now nearly 35 years since I married SweetP and it was the best thing I ever did.  No terrible mistake there.  (To give her credit, I’m sure that her misgivings were about my age and not about the entirely likable SweetP.)

However I must add that at about 16 years of marriage we were going down the gurgler at a rapid rate.

Fortunately we found a way to claw ourselves back up that slippery slope.  Like all couples, we have snipey moments together but while our boat rocks in stormy seas these days, we rarely feel like we’re at risk of falling overboard.

So, despite shared wisdoms…

… dire prophecies and endless advice, you’ve decided.  It is your life, and you’re going to live it – just the way you like!

How’s that going for you?

• Are you happy with the life you’ve carved out together with your chosen partner?
• How close is your life to what you expected it might be?
• What people have you chosen to advise you by example on the rollercoaster of relationships?
• Have they been a good choice?  Who else have you noticed exhibit the kinds of qualities you value?
• If your life could be better, what would it look like?
• How long ago was it that you sat together and created/shared new dreams for the ongoing life you share?
• What steps have you taken to make some of those dreams become more real – inch by inch, baby step by baby step?
• What are the things that get in the way of you achieving YOUR life’s dreams?
• Is it you that holds you back?   Or are there some other invisible reins holding your happiness back?
• What are you tolerating in your relationship?
• How can you make your life together better?
• How do you treat your partner?
• How do you teach your partner to treat you?
• In fact, who’s responsible for your life?
• And if it’s you who’s responsible, what steps are you taking to make it the best life you can have?
• If you’re not happy with what you’ve got, what are YOU going to do about it?

My Food For Thought

Just near my front door is a wall hanging with this wonderful Buddhist saying:

In the end what matters most is:

How well did you live

How well did you love

How well did you learn to let go?

The answers to all my questions, as well as your life, are in your hands!

Go and immerse yourself in your life.  Go and show everyone how you live and love your life, and how proud you are of it!